Coping with Grief Over the Holidays
The holidays can be tough when you’re grieving. While others are celebrating, you might feel like the season only makes your loss stand out more. The songs, the lights, the traditions - they can all be bittersweet reminders of who or what is missing.
Grief doesn’t take a break, not even for the holidays. But there are ways to get through it and even find moments of comfort along the way.
Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
Grief isn’t neat or predictable. Some days, you might feel sad or angry. Other days, you might just feel numb. And then there are moments where something small - a song, a scent, a memory - sends you right back to square one.
Whatever comes up, it’s okay. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Adjust What You Expect
The holidays might not feel the same this year - and that’s okay. Some traditions might feel too heavy, and the idea of doing it all might feel like too much.
Give yourself permission to pare things down. Maybe you skip certain gatherings or create a new tradition that feels better for where you are now. Less really can be more when you’re grieving.
Find Ways to Honor Your Loss
Acknowledging your grief can help make space for it. You might light a candle, share a memory, or keep a small ritual that reminds you of your loved one.
This doesn’t have to be big or elaborate. Even a quiet moment to reflect can help you feel connected to what you’re missing.
Lean on Your Support System
Grief can feel lonely, but you don’t have to carry it by yourself. Reach out to the people who get it - the friend who listens without trying to fix things, the family member who lets you cry, or even your therapist.
You don’t have to say much. Even a text that says, “I’m having a rough day - can we talk?” can open the door to support.
Take Care of Yourself
Grief is exhausting. It’s easy to forget the basics when you’re overwhelmed, so try to pay attention to what you need. Eat something that fuels you, step outside for fresh air, or turn off your phone if it feels like too much.
You don’t have to fix everything. Just focus on one small thing that helps you feel a little steadier.
Look for Comfort in Small Moments
The holidays don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, the little things - a warm cup of tea, a favorite movie, or a quiet walk - bring the most peace.
Let yourself enjoy these moments. Grief and joy can live side by side, even when it feels complicated.
It’s Okay to Celebrate
You might feel guilty for celebrating. That’s normal. It can feel like finding joy means forgetting your loss or leaving it behind.
But joy and grief aren’t opposites. Laughing, enjoying a meal, or participating in the holidays doesn’t mean you’re moving on - it means you’re making room for all the parts of your experience.
Plan for What Feels Doable
The holidays can feel overwhelming, so it helps to plan ahead. Decide what you want to say yes to and where you need to set boundaries.
For gatherings, it can be helpful to have an exit strategy, like letting your host know, “I’ll probably head out early, but I’d love to come by for a bit.” Having a plan can make things feel more manageable.
Be Kind to Yourself
There’s no roadmap for grief. Some days, you might feel okay. Other days, it might be hard to get out of bed. That’s just how it is.
Take it one step at a time. Give yourself grace for not having it all together. Just showing up for yourself, in whatever way you can, is enough.
If you’re navigating grief this holiday season, you don’t have to go it alone. Let’s connect and work together to find ways to care for your heart and make space for your feelings.
Lucia Arreaga is a Registered Clinical Counsellor based in North Vancouver, British Columbia. She helps people overwhelmed by life’s demands feel lighter, more grounded, and build on their existing strengths to move forward with purpose and clarity.
In her spare time, she can be found adventuring, enjoying trees and trails or sand and sea with her partner and children, friends or her fluffy four-legged trouble-maker Harvey.
